Forex: Rumors and Humors
The changing face of capitalism
Traditional capitalism:
* You have two cows.
* You sell one and buy a bull.
* Your herd multiplies, and the
economy grows.
* You sell them and retire on the
income.
An Australian corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You sell one, accept an LAW tax
promised credit payable in 4 year's
time, and force the other to produce
the milk of four cows.
* You are surprised when the cow drops
dead.
A German corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You reengineer them so they live
for 100 years, eat once a month, and
milk themselves.
An Italian corporation:
* You have two cows, but you don't
know where they are.
* You break for lunch.
A French corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You go on strike because you want
three cows.
A British corporation:
* You have two cows.
* Both are mad.
A New Zealand corporation: A Swiss corporation:
* You have 5000 cows, none of which
* You have two cows.
* That one on the left is kinda cute...
belong to you.
* You charge others for storing them
A Chinese corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You have 300 people milking them.
* You claim full employment, high
bovine productivity, and arrest the
newsman who reported the numbers.
A Japanese corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You redesign them so they are onetenth
the size of an ordinary cow and
produce 20 times the milk.
* You then create clever cow cartoon
images called Cowkimon and market
them worldwide.
A Russian corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You count them and learn you have five cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
* You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
American capitalism (or euro-capitalism):
* You have two cows.
* You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
* The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder
who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The
annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one
more.
* Sell one cow to buy influence with a new president of the United
States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the
release. The public buys our bull.
Lottery
One broker moved to another city and bought a parrot from an old farmer for
$100. The farmer agreed to deliver the parrot the next day. The next day,
farmer drove up and said:
Farmer: Sorry, but I have some bad news. The parrot died.
Broker: Well, then, just give me the money back,
Farmer: Can't do that. I went and spent it already.
Broker: OK, then. Just unload the parrot,
Farmer: What are you going to do with it?
Broker: I'm going to get my money back,
Farmer: You can't sell the dead parrot!
Broker: Sure can. Watch me. I just won't tell that it is dead,
A month later this farmer met up with the broker and asked,
Farmer: What happened with that dead parrot?
Broker: I got my money back for it, I did. I organized a lottery for this parrot
and sold 200 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $398,
Farmer: Didn't anyone complain?
Broker: Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.
Frog
Two women were walking through the woods
when a frog called out to them and said:
- Help me, ladies! I am a stockbroker who, through
an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a
frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my
former state!
One woman took out her purse, grabbed the
frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The
other woman, aghast, screamed,
- Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into
a stockbroker!
The second woman replied,
- Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more
than a stockbroker!
Races
Soros and a Bernanke went to the races. Soros suggested
betting $10,000 on a horse. Bernanke was skeptical,
saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to
look on horses, etc. Soros whispered that he knew a
secret algorithm for the success, but he could not
convince Bernanke.
Soros: You are too theoretical; he said and bet on a horse. Surely, that horse came
first bringing him a lot of money. Triumphantly, he exclaimed: I told you, I knew the
secret!
Bernanke: What is your secret?
Soros: It is rather easy. I have two kids, three and five year old. I sum up their ages
and I bet on number nine. Bernanke: But, three and five is eight,
Soros: I told you, you are too theoretical! Soros replied, Haven't I just shown
experimentally that my calculation is correct?!
A man in a baloon
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost.
He reduced his altitude and saw a man below.
"Excuse me, but can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but
I don't know where I am," he said.
The man below replied: "You are in a hot air balloon
hovering approximately 30 ft above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees North latitude and
between 56 and 57 degrees West longitude."
To which the balloonist replied:
"You must be a broker." To which the man on the ground said:
"I am, but how did you know?"
The reply came from above: "Everything you told me is
technically correct but I have no idea what to make of your
information, and the fact is I'm still lost.
Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The man below responded: "You must be a trader."
To which the balloonist replied: "Yes, I am, but how did you know?"
To which the man on the ground said: "You don't know where you
are or where you are going. You have risen to your current
position
due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you
have
no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem.
The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in
before we met, but now somehow, it's my fault."
In a Broker’s office
A new manager spends a week at his new Broker office with the manager he is
replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him,
"I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk
drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you
can't solve."
Three months down the track there is a major drama,
everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager
feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting
words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope.
The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He
does this and gets off the hook.
About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with
serious market problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The
message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.
Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside
says "Prepare three envelopes".
A novice trader talking to God
Trader: What is a million years like to
you?
God: Like one second.
Trader: What is a million dollars like to
you?
God: Like one penny.
Trader: Can I have a penny?
God: Just a second ...
10 things that show you are crazy about Forex:
1) if you know how many M1 bars you need to eat a pancake.
2) if you check your charts before you eat your breakfast.
3) if you keep telling your Forex stories for friend who doesn’t even trade.
4) if you type in Forex web when you go to check the weather forecast.
5) if you miscall you best friend Tom with a name of “Trend”.
6) if you think about Ichimoku when you see that it’s cloudy.
7) if you don’t feel how time goes when looking at Eur/Usd chart.
8) if you think how to get things like freezer, microwave oven, TV etc. closer to your
PC.
9) if you want to WC but you won’t go because you have a position open.
10) if you remember forex everytime you see your “head & shoulders“ shampoo.
Day Trading Terms
Advisor – the one who charges money for a piece of stock advice to cover his/her
losses on the market.
Advisory Service - an advisor who lost a considerable amount of money and started
new business.
Afternoon - a daily chance to give back the money you made that morning (see
Friday).
Apprentice - anyone who peers at your screen shortly after you closed a profitable
deal.
Average Down - what you have to do if you opened a long position and had to go to
the bathroom.
Average Up - what you have to do if you opened a short position and had to go to the
bathroom.
Bad Trade/Stupid Trade – an unprofitable deal that someone else carries out which
does not fit your trading strategy.
Bottom - (when you have an open long position) the spot where you give up averaging
down and sell; (when you have an open short position) the spot where the book
recommends you to open a short position.
Break – a pause you take when you have either 2 profitable or 5 unprofitable deals in
a row.
Broker - someone who studied hard and has a license to legally lose your money for a
minute additional fee.
Canadian – the one who is short any stock you have.
Chart - what you check after you exit trading, trying to understand what went wrong.
Cheap Stock - a stock the price of which will decline as soon as you decide not to open
a short position on it.
Confusion - 6 open positions.
Coyote Syndrome - when you feel an irresistible impulse to bite your own arm off so
as not to click the mouse again.
Day Trading - trading which you start too late and exit too early.
Double Up – a phrase you employ to explain your open position after you accidentally
bought more instead of selling what you had.
Down On The Day - a temporary situation until right after the next deal.
Excellent Company - any stock you know nothing about on which you carry out a
profitable deal.
Excellent Long Term Investment - Position Trading that went the wrong way right
after you opened a position.
Expensive Stock - a stock the price of which will rise as soon as you decide not to
open a long position.
Expert – a newbie who has not begun to trade yet (see Licensed Expert).
Fossil - a rather aged dude, making less than 90 deals per day.
Freak – the one who can carry out three profitable deals in a row.
Friday – a weekly opportunity to give back everything you gained that week (see
Afternoon).
Fundamental Analysis - the process of checking if you can open a short position on a
stock.
Gap Up - a stock that has a higher opening price than a closing one was the day
before, and will go down if you buy it, but will continue to go up if you sell it.
Genius - what you are in the eyes of an Apprentice if Lady Luck favors you 3 times in a
row.
Halt (stock) – (an open position) impending really good news or really bad news, but
anyway, the scariest thing possible to happen.
Highlight - selling into the rally while a dude on TV provides the complex reasons why
the stock is special.
Home Run - every single deal you thoroughly consider, tell other traders about and
then do not make yourself.
Huge Player – 1. A guy with over 15 thousand dollars left. 2. Any trader that has been
in such a situation for more than three months.
Idiot - a fool that gives you his stock to cover your profitable short position.
INCA - (if a long position is open) some creep that puts up a 50,000 share offer right
when you open a long positon; (if a short position is open) the same guy, opening a
long position.
IPO - expensive cyanide.
IPO (Internet) - expensive cyanide flambé with sugar.
Joker - a professional who takes a break to laugh to himself (see Professional, Break).
Level 2 - the circle in Hell where Satan explains an extremely complicated way how to
lose a great amount of money for a very short period of time.
Licensed Expert - a dude with a Series 7 license who has not started trading yet.
Loudmouth – 1. Anyone that says anything near you, while you are losing a deal. 2. A
newbie who cannot pull the trigger at first, but finally does it, screaming: "Yahoo! It's
running!"
Lucky Deal - a profitable deal someone else made that does not fit your strategy
much.
Lunch Money - what you waste away between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m. (ET).
Manager - a day trader who found out a Never Lose Trading System.
Margin - (if you are up) a safe situation with huge potential return (if you are down)
an evil trick by Unseen Forces that can cause you losing more money than you have.
Margin Call - what happens when your clearing firm makes an accounting mistake.
Market Maker - the one who set up a secret video camera behind you and who takes
the other side of each of your unprofitable trades.
Moron - a blockhead, buying your profitable long position.
Moving Average - a curly line that has nothing to do with the price movement if you
have an open position.
Pain - exiting at loss, reversing your position on a stock and then watching it go the
way you knew it would in the first place.
Position Trading - day trading that went the wrong way right after you took a
position.
Pro - a guy at trading centre who says nothing and keeps smiling all the time (see
Joker).
Scalping - losing only an eighth in one go.
Secret Deal – a deal that you do not tell about to the Apprentice when he asks you
how you are doing.
Short List – a daily list of stocks that will rise and never pull back.
Short List Request – a request submitted to the clearing firm which contains a list of
all stocks that you could open short positions on yesterday and tomorrow, but not
today.
Short Squeeze - (when you have an open short position) when a person that you
have never met before and that should not have anything against you attempts to hurt
you and your family on purpose; (when you have an open long position) a proof that
you are a true genius.
Special Situation - when you watch your losing stop limit go by and open a position of
larger volume instead of exiting trading (see Long Term Investment).
Spread – (if a deal is profitable) sharing your wealth; (if a deal is unprofitable) a
malicious market maker who rips you off.
System Trading - a phrase you employ to explain to the Apprentice how your trade
did not work out the way you meant.
Technical Analysis - (traditional) a voodoo, the animal blood and chanting excluded;
(Point and Figure) a really weird voodoo, the animal blood and chanting excluded.
Top - (when you have an open long position) the point on the chart where the stock
price backs off fast before you get out; (when you have an open short position) the
exact spot where you cover.
Trainer - the only man in the room who has never tried intraday trading in his life.
Trend Line - an imaginary line on the price chart that only changes when the market
is closed or when you are not looking.
Up On The Day - what you are when the market closes, not taking into account ticket
charges.
Uptick - (when you have an open long position) added hope; (when you have an open
short position) a market maker, letting everyone else in; (if no positions are open) a
good chance to lose some money through opening a short position.
Volume Spike - (an open position) confirmation that you are either the smartest
person or the biggest idiot on Earth; (no positions are open) confirmation that you are
the smartest person on the planet, but you were not paying attention.
by : Rita Lasker
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